In the dark ages of the far far future, there is only WAR!
Well, and building stuff. OK, and traveling, like serious loads and loads of flying around; but that’s all part of war, really. Sometimes people make banners and decorative uniforms and shit, but that’s also for the WAAAAR! so that still totally counts. Pedantry will get you killed in war, remember that, dear reader!
And in 60,000 years of literally absolutely nothing else but loosely defined war, there is one race of creatures so fearsome, so evil, so violent, so cunning and clever that all bow before them… but this is a tale of Orks, not those guys. Oh, sure, the subject of this tale are fearsome, ultra violent beasts of green fury, but they’re better known for their immeasurable inelegance and an intellect rivaled only by garden vegetables.
In the dark ages of the future there are lawyers too, and so the fearsome space Orks go by a more common name…
SKAGS (in spaaaaaace)!
Dramatic audio stinger!
In a galaxy filled with nigh-invulnerable emotionless robots, demigod-tier space elves, void creatures, terrabugs, and various flavors of utterly tormented humans, even the bloody empire of the Skags comes under constant pressure. Such is the case with a seemingly useless border planet system known as “BIG RED’UN WIT DA STORMS!” (or “BRUWDAS” to the especially clever Skag space navigators).
It was on the shite dirtball Skag planet known as Bruwdas IV that something amazing happened, something unheard of, something that demanded the attention of all the races of all known space faring critters; on Bruwdas IV, a literal God had died. OK, technically it’s unknown exactly where this kilometer long corpse of a master of Chaos did the “dying” bit, but reports are that the capital-ship sized armored meatbag appeared in a cataclysmic blink of an eye. In the great resulting storm all manner of hellish backwash accompanied the great mysterious poofing.
As reports of this event spread across the galaxy, forces of all manner turned to converge on Bruwdas IV. Ah, the universal allure of power and mystery! Nothing stirs up the pot of interstellar politics and prompts spontaneous space-road trips quite like a sudden deity drop-in.
For some, this would become a religious crusade. For others this would be a power grab, an attempt to harness the very fabric of chaos. For some, the forces of science and scholarship demanded attendance.
For Skags (who operate on the philosophy that if a thing is worth doing, it’s worth overdoing and then smashing it with a large, crude implement), the body of a chaos God is merely another thing to smash and plunder; the biggest, meanest, most irresistible plunder in their epically long history of forgetting their history. Plus, Bruwdas IV is Skag land, and there’ll be no tolerance for those dancy pancy space invaders on their turf!
Regardless of motivation, each race perceives a unique opportunity in this bizarre celestial occurrence. Thus, the cosmic chessboard shifts, as different pieces make their move towards this new focal point, this God of Chaos, promising a cavalcade of cosmic calamity that’s bound to be anything but ordinary.
Hosted and narrated by:
Lee Perry (MrLeePerry)
Scenes played: 3
License: Community License